Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Strange encounter

I'm sure we all have these days.... Days were you just don't quite feel so good, so motivated, so happy. I felt okay and then an encounter happened. One that if it had happened on a good day would not have made me feel as hurt as it did. I was asked by my next preceptor to edit my biography page (something they hang-up at the practice office) because a couple of the things were considered inappropriate and unprofessional. After she made her point, I kind of agreed with her (I said that one of my interests was being a groupie to my partner's bands) It was in a humorous tone but I guess it could be interpreted that I enjoy hanging out at bars while I wait for women to call me to deliver their babies. Although I understood her point, I felt completely judged and strangely, a little violated. I probably need not feel this way, but I have never met her before - this was my first encounter with my next preceptor; just not the warm fuzzies I was hoping for I guess? It triggered something in me; a realization that throughout this program I am constantly judged and critiqued and I am finally so sick of it. I just want to have my credentials and work. I am so tired of having someone, perhaps someone I may not even like, analyze me and because of the nature of midwifery, these judgments somehow end up feeling personal. I guess I am just having one of those days...

My experience as a visitor in my city

I am currently following a nurse practitioner who works in the shelter health network in Hamilton. I observe her at her work. I get exposure to some of the shelters in Hamilton. Some of them are nice, some are cramped. The family centre on Wentworth Street is very nice; it is set up with apartments that entire families can stay in for up to 6 weeks. There are good communal spaces and activities for families that honour multiculturalism and community. There is always a pot of coffee on. This makes me happy because I have seen many things that are sad; not that people are by any stretch pathetic or need pity, but lots of people have suffered many things and I accumulate these stories all day and I just come home and feel heavy. Because it is strange to come home to my TV and food after being with people who jump through hoops, stand in lines, remain on waiting lists, to get things, things they probably truly don't want, but that is what they can get. The world is not a really fair place, is it?